Saturday, April 16, 2011

shit!!!!!!!

damn it!!!!!!! shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghhhh!!!!!

finally dameinv's on today!! but she off suddenly after we chat few sentences!!! what the hell!!! damn facebook, damn line!!!!!!!!!!!!

today was totally a bad night!!!!!! i hate it!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

anything

well, suddenly down again. i think is because of few things. first, it's because of i read some posts in my friend's blog, their essays are so good, they can write well, without any mistake, how about me? every of my sentence is fulled with MISTAKES. when will i be able to write as well as them? i think this day will never come. what a pitiful life, i'm well in nothing. can't write well, can't get a good result, can't run, can't play violin well, can't help anybody, can't have good relationship among anybody, can't stop myself to like them this much, can't sing well, can't grow taller, can't finish my homeworks well, can't be a good person. i can't do anything well. I FAIL TO DO ANYTHING WELL.

really down now, my tears are formed, in my eyes. i don't what happened to me, become so down in a sudden.

many things want to tell out, i don't know which one should i tell first, so the things will be untidy, i will write whatever i remember, without arrange it.

i found that my tears can be easily formed when i fail to get my target. i won't set target easily before this, but i did recently. i aimed to get 100% in math, i failed. i aimed to run in time during merentas desa, i failed. my tears presented when i found i failed to reach the target in both time. i cry easily recently, i don't know what happened to me, i did changed a lot, i think. i thought i'm tough enough, at least not to cry easily, but i'm not. i cried just because of these small things, it seems like i'm not understand myself well.

i wanted to get 8As in exam, i want, but i don't know what should i do for this. i know i should study, but i don't how to study. KH, just memorize, and i will leave it after PMR, there will be no more KH in the future, i just need to study hard for exams in this year and PMR only, just few times more, i can, i think. English, i'm try to read more now. i started again to read Twilight, but i'm fail to get attracted by it as much as what a mandarin novel did. however, i can still read it by a full attention and i'm attracted by it some times, some times. i don't know whether it's the right way to write well, but this is the only way i know and i want to do. here come the worst part, Malay language. i'm bad in writing essays, i don't like it, because i can't write well. what should i do to improve it? read more? i'm totally not interested in Malays books. some more i'm reading English novel now. i'm helpless in studying, can anyone help me?

dameinv didn't on again today, sigh. by the way, ice beauty on! hum, so what? i impossible go talk to her right, well, just look at the tab that showing she's on is enough. she accepted me is already a very big present for me.

i'm lazy to take care at my games that i play in fb anymore, i started to feel weary to them. but i don't like to leave something without taking care at it and it become a wreckage then.

i earned in my first proper salary on my own by tuition for my cousin. it feels so nice. although he's only standard two and i just need to tuition standard one's level for him because he's really too bad, it's kind a easy work for me, but i'm worry about he cannot learn well and i cannot teach well. i never teach children properly before this, and now, i need to be responsible on his works, i don't what should i do, i don't know what i'm doing now is right and good for him or not.

hum, i forgot what else i wanted to tell. so, stop here, i will continue if i remember anything.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

a bit down

dameinv's not school today, she went for PBSM camping. feeling not nice. by the way, i still saw her in the morning. i think she came to fetch her students to the camp. i saw her stopped her car in front of surau then walked here and there and helped her students to put their luggage onto her car. i wanted to hii with her, so i asked fangfang to accompany me to toilet so that she can sees me and hi. but we quarreled about who should go and ask teacher for a while, as a result, dameinv's gone when we came out. T~T still cannot hi.

i planned just to poke cheche without the feel of excited like normal days so that she will feel she like hurt me(she said i'm bising before) or else and then will concern about me more. unfortunately, she was calling with someone when i meet her and i can't control myself to not to hi with her excitedly. i still poked her excitedly, although that's much less then normal. she just looked at me and nodded. sigh.

i stayed back until 2.15pm today, i thought there's a drama practice but it was canceled. however, i still stayed back because stay back will have chance to meet cheche some more i can do nothing except wait on car if i back. i went canteen and celebrated birthday for datou and ween. i knew datou's birthday is 6th of April because i saw maning wished her yesterday, for ween, i don't know actually. urgh, what friend is this, don't know her birthday, i'm disappointed for myself. anyway, i still celebrated with them happily, i'm actually very happy too because cheche came canteen after that. wahaha~ i kept on seeing her. i sang the birthday song loudly so that people will concern at us, i don't care, i'm back to them XD how good is that if cheche's there when i was singing the song.

what cheche think about me? i think she will feel "aiyo... this chinese student.. why so annoying.. making noise here and there, always kacau me, laugh like idiot.... can you stop having any interaction with me?" urghhh.... down.

why i will keep on online every night? because that is the period dameinv will online usually. i just want to meet her. today she impossible will be here, sigh. down again.
overall, i'm down today.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

nearly perfect day!!

5th of April

actually today should be considered as perfect day, but because of lack of seeing cheche ,talking with her and interaction with dameinv, it became a NEARLY perfect day only. however, it can be considered as perfect day too actually, because there happened a really nice thing after that, i think it will cover the sadness of the things mentioned above.

cheche came late again this morning, consequently, i didn't see her. i went toilet together with fangfang, just to meet cheche. she's not in bilik guru, didn't meet her too. unfortunately, there's a bad news for me when i reached class back from toilet. "i saw cheche standing in front there just now!" said suz. T~T why i want to go toilet. i can see cheche if i stay in class!! T~T didn't see cheche the whole day, utcut. whatever, i still met dameinv an hi with her. heaven to those who wait, i met cheche at last. i saw her went out from bilik guru when i was sitting at astaka. i immediately followed up her just to say hi with her. i hi with her at last when she back from putting her things on her car. i was walking behind her, she's nearly entered bilik guru already, i told myself, if i didn't call her, i will lost a big good chance and i will regret for it! as a result, i called her. i called her softly from her back, just like a thief, she turned back her head and looked at me and said hi too. yes, finally i hi with her too.

i went for drama practice then. i thought we will practice how to act and it will takes a long time.however, it's out of my expectation. we just read the parts we should read and pani said she wanted to go already then we just ended up our practice like this. well, i'm not very like to act too, but it's really out of my expectation. we ended at around 3pm while i expected we will end at 3.30pm. i then went to library to do my homework and to wait for time passes. i was very sleepy, i moved the flower which was put on the table there in front of me and slept a while. there's nobody near me, just a class there at another side of library. i finished my kh exercise with the reference book in the library. i went to toilet, put my things back to astaka and drank some water before i went to find dameinv. i was very bnervous when i walked near the enter of bilik guru, i don't know what will happen later. unluckily, she was calling with somebody. i walked to the place beside her and sat down. she ignored me, she didn't tells me what should i do, where should i sit or something like that, she just let me do my things just like i'm already used to stay like that. T~T she ended up her call later, she called the person "sayang"!! what the hell....

she asked me have works to do or not, i answered her yes, i have. then she said then do your own works, and then she went to do her own works already! T~T i should say i have nothing to do.... she went here and there, do this and that, and talked with few teachers in bilik guru. she's definitely not like what we saw. we thought she's a polite girl, talks softly, does things slow-motionly, actually it not so!! she talked loudly with teachers, walked quickly here and there, and laughed loudly too. teachers are also not like what we thinked, they are just like my malay classmates, just that they are not that rude. by the way, i like it. XD

i don't dare to look at her because i scared that she will look at me when i'm looking at her and i also don't know what to talk with her, every topics we talked before is all from her, i didn't even give one of it so we had very less interaction in that 45 minutes. we were doing our own things, she's very busy, i don't want to disturb her. puan mahaya asked me why i'm here when she came to put the exercise books on the table i was sitting. i said do works, then she said "hum.. do works in bilik guru...." i don't know what should i answer her so i just smiled.

i went out of bilik guru at 5.15pm. dameinv was going to solat that time, i don't want to stay alone in bilik guru anymore, what if another teacher comes and asks me again? i told dameinv that i wanted to leave already, she seems like very shocked, maybe she doesn't want me to leave her XD. my mum had not coming yet when i reached the pondok. i wanted to go inside and see dameinv again, but i don't have excuse so i can only waited and did nothing at the pondok. i saw dameinv standing at KIOSK not long after that, maybe after solat and wanted to buy somehting to eat. she stood there very long, i thought the students were preparing food that slow, actually she was talking with cheche there. cheche's there also. at the same time, beibei them came out.

i immediately asked them whether wanted to buy things or not as i wanted to see dameinv and cheche. fortunately, yewen wanted and beibei forgot her book at bilik unjuran too. she needed to go back to take her book. good. dameinv went to look at the poster of students got straight As in last year SPM when i'm near KIOSK, while KIOSK was not selling anything nice and yewen seems like don't want to buy, so i peeped at cheche and walked towards dameinv. i touched her right shoulder while i was standing at her left, haha, what a childish action. she asked me why i am still here and i told her my mum has not reaches yet. i walked beside her when she was walking back to bilik guru. we chatted a while, wahaha~ first time~ walking together and chatting~ yeah~ good also!

last, actually today was a perfect day. XD

Monday, April 4, 2011

BELATED April Fool!!!

that stupid ping cheated me at April fool, fortunately she suggested me BELATED april fool. wahahaha... i want to cheat cheche and dameinv then...

3rd of April
i cheated cheche today. i went to toilet again when i saw her car came together with fangfang. i hi with her and she replied me morning, she seems like used to morning with people, then i want to morning with her next time too. XD after i hi with her, i went away together with fangfang while she's still over her car. by right, she won't be able to stand beside me if she walks in normal speed, but she went and stood beside me that day. she seems like very hurry to go anywhere, she hurried to my side and walked together with me, she ignored fangfang and straight away walked to my side. the weird thing is, she slowed down after she stood beside me, is that she want to talk with me so that she hurried to my side? wahaha. she stood so close to me, very close, i can even touch her if i move 1 more centimeter towards her, the feeling of can see her face closely once i turn my head is so good, wahahah. first time, and she came HERSELF, not i go near her myself, wahahah~~ so happy.

she then asked me is that i really want to go toilet everyday, i answered her "yala.. sebenarnya nak jalan-jalan ja" then she said very good, i think she maybe didn't hears my last sentence, i talked it in a very small volume XD. and then we kept quiet for a while. i called her, and told her i gonna transfer to other school already. she turned her head to me and asked why. she gave a very big response, shocked. wahahahah!! her shocked expression was very cute!! i like it very much! actually i like every of her expression except her expressionless face. she seems like very shock that i gonna transfer, maybe she feels sad about it too XD. i told her my father was transferred to BM and i gonna follow him too. we then kept quiet again. i called her again when she's gonna go upstairs, she turned her head and asked me why. i stopped for a while and then told her loudly, "belated april fool!" she then laugh out and said "jahat!" and went upstairs while i laugh loudly and went into toilet. wahaha~~ succeed!!

today's konferansi waris. i asked my mom to come later so that i can see cheche or dameinv longer. however, i realized there will be nobody to accompany me to see cheche or dameinv, so i called my mum and asked her to come at 1.30pm. i was looking at cheche all the time when fangfang, ping, and yuzi were still here. i then walked back to class after they gone. i want to find somebody to accompany me to see cheche or dameinv, but nobody wants....T~T at last, i forced beibei to accompany me to walked a round to dewan terbuka to see dameinv, i saw her, and the ring on her finger. there's a ring on her ring finger!! is that her boyfriend proposed to her? whatever, i will wish her anyway. i'm glad that she can find a man that she loves and he loves her too.

i back to dewan samsudin after that, waited for my mum. my mum came later. i deliberately asked my mum to sit inside the hall while waiting for our turn, actually we can only standing beside the table. cheche's very free on that time, no student's there. she stood from her chair and looked inside the hall, she met my sight, so i hi with her, she smiled. it's our turn later. ice beauty said i'm ok and hardworking. wahaha. we sat close to each other, and she smiled brightly because there's many parents there. we chatted a few words and then ended up our conversation. i walked near to cheche when we back. i saw she was watching her bb's video! her bb is so cute!! she was smiling blissfully all the way when she was looking at her phone. i told her that there got bb and she smiled at me and asked me got how many As. i answered her 5, then she just nodded then i walked away already. oh ya, i hi with dameinv before this, around 12 something, i went dewan terbuka with fangfang. wahaha~

dameinv on tonight. usually she won't on at this time, but she on tonight. i cheated her that i', going to transfer too. she's very sad, well, seems like. she kept on asking me here and there, when will i go, when is my last day in school, why will i suddenly transferred, everything happened in a sudden, and etc.2. some more she said she felt like wants to cry. haha~~ actually i felt a bit guilty for cheating her so much, but i didn't tell her that i'm cheating her today, i want to tell her tomorrow, i want to see her response. XD

4th of April
i went toilet again when i saw cheche's car came, hehe. she told me that my hair is getting longer, i said really, then that's good. she asked me to cut it, i said don't want, and said if cut need to waste money.

i met dameinv at bilik guru after school. i called her "mi xuesheng" from far, smiling. she kept on asking me when will i return my textbook, when is my last day in school and etc.2 once she met me. i kept quiet all the time and looking at her face with full attention, i want to see all of her expression when she's talking. she finally felt something's weird because i didn't even answer one of her question. she stopped talking and looked at me with a confuse expression, so cute! XD i told her "BELATED APRIL FOOL!!" after she stopped few seconds. she doesn't know what happened at first, her brain cannot interprets it at the first time, she hanged for few seconds, you know, there's so many expression showed on her face in that brief time! wahahah~~ once she realized she was cheated by me, she laugh and wanted to pinch me XDXD i then asked her whether is she free at tomorrow's 3.30 to 5.30, because i don't want to participate the rehearsal of merentas desa and wanted to teach her mandarin(she asked me to teach her before, but we have no time.) she said she forgot her time table, she doesn't know she has period on that time or not. and then what she said you know? she said she will message me later!! wahaha~~i wanna keep on looking at my phone carefully so that i won't miss her message XD

it's night, 10 something, almost 11. she hasn't messages me yet. i cannot wait anymore and i messaged her. she replied me after very long, i thought she won't reply me already. we had discussed when and where should we meet tomorrow. and she was worried about me, she scared i will scolded by whoever teacher because absent in the rehearsal. wahahah~~ so conclusion is, i gonna stay with her alone tomorrow~~ yes!! yeah~~

Saturday, April 2, 2011

1st of April

yesterday was 1st of April, or i should say it's April Fool few hours ago. why yesterday was not a school!?!?!? if not, i can go cheat dameinv. T~T it's still okay today's not school day, but dameinv didn't on too!! T~T i want to cheat her that i gonna change school already and ask for her cellphone number as don't want to lost contact with her. T~T anyway, i still told her in inbox message, perhaps she will see it and reply me, we have a long time didn't chat through inbox already. however, we chatted many times through fb chat, i prefer fb chat then inbox XD

i thought i won't cheat people and cheated by people today, however, i'm wrong. actually i planned to cheat ping yesterday and yesterday, but i didn't do it at last, i don't know why, maybe lazy to cheat XD the stupid ping, came and cheated me!!! T~T i hate her.... she told me dameinv on-ed..... you know how beh syok am i when i knew she on?! because i'm tuitioning, i can't do anything if she really on. so, luckily she's not really on, if not i think my heart will breaks XD

very unhappy as cheated by FOOSEOKPENG but didn't cheat anyone. fortunately, i success not long after it. i cheated my brother XD i told him i gonna buy a new cell phone later, gonna buy iPhone 4 because i get 8As in exam. he really trusted it and went to asked my mom to ask for truth. he's so stupid, iPhone 4 okay, i will ask for braces instead of iPgone 4. well, because of cheated my brother successfully, i feel much better, at least fair, i was cheated once, and i cheat people once. XD