lack of words to set a title for this post.

i think i need to cry now. sometimes, human being needs to cry. its okay, it doesn't matter.

i know, it's just because of such stupid things. i shouldn't cry at all. but i know, this cry is not that cry, so it doesn't matter. i just need to vent..? no, it can't be considered as vent. hmm, alright, i don't know how to describe it.

asked dameinv about her ring on her ring finger just now. i haven't get the answer yet. but i reached the climax, the most important part, i can get my answer in her next reply already. suddenly, "try to reload the page". i reloaded and reloaded. it doesn't work. i restarted the computer and modem too. at last, i was back to it. but she was not there anymore. shit, i went mad. mood ruined. became five, from hundred.

went weibo afterward. saw some touching things. tears formed in the eyes. ya, i can be touched easily. mood didn't ruin, but the rate of going to cry increased.

cheche's profile then. realise my post was deleted by her, i think. mood ruined, became three.

at last, i realise i was sicked. oh god, i cried.

met a lot (recount XD)

15th of June

finally i met cheche today, and i met her many times. ho-ho.

i forgot did i meet her in the morning, see, this is the disadvantage of delaying the writing of blog. anyway, i think i did, but i forgot what was the situation. today was the day i had to pass up all of the exercise books of Malay language in order to get one more mark in my exam as i got 74 marks, one more mark to get grade A. luckily i done most of the exercise he gave before, if not i think i won't be able to pass up it today.

i met cheche at halaman sam when i was going to pass up the exercise books. she was with muna. she was walking at the opposite direction with me, so she will be at the side which nearer to me if we're near. however, she changed side with muna once she saw me, why? anyway, i poked her with "hi, teacher". to prevent muna, or cheche, knows i prefer cheche, i looked at muna when i poked cheche. but she seemed like didn't notice my sight. i should add a "s" behind the "teacher". ha-ha. cheche "morning" with me too and i snorted again. ya, again. i remember already, she did the same thing to me when i "hi" with her this morning and i snorted too. she smiled while muna was shocked and repeated my snort. she seemed like shocked by my impolite action towards cheche. however, it was just a normal thing for me, i think for cheche too.

i wandered around school compound to see if i can meet cheche or dameinv. at last, i didn't meet any of them. i made me last round to staff room and then walked out. i saw cheche was talking to a teacher at me right hand side while dameinv was walking towards laboratory at my left. i froze, slowed and looked down, i don't know where should i go. when i looked up again, cheche already finished her conversation with the teacher and entered staff room so i decided to walk to dameinv's side. she entered the lab she which she always use. i passed by it and planned to poke her. however, there were two Indian girls was entering the lab, they blocked me, as a result, i failed to poke her.

i met suz who was about to pass up her geography folio to Miss Ng. i immediately approached her and proposed to accompany her as i know cheche was now in the staff room. we went staff room together then. cheche was in the staff room, sitting beside muna, and talking with her. after signing for the folio, i deliberately talked to suz at Miss Ng's place and waited for the chance to poke cheche. i got to talk to her at last.

i turned my body after talking and she was looking at me duriing that time so i immediately poke her. she thought we were there to find her so she asked what we need. i then said nothing related to her. she asked if i cut my hair, i don't know why she asked so, as i know, my hair had no change on that day what. anyway, i answered her no. muna interrupted us then, asking were all the Malay students back already and did i pass up the exercise book. i answered her previous question and asked her what exercise book she was meaning, is that civic. she said yes and i said i didn't pass up. cheche smiled when she heard my answer. actually she was looking at me and smiling all the time since i poked her at the beginning. she then asked again and i answered her again word by word and then said goodbye to her and leaved immediately.

she said she wanted to dimerit me when i reached the door and going to go out. i turned my head and said it's ok, it doesn't matter. i was talking to muna but i was looking at cheche. ha-ha. she was looking at me with fully attention and smiling. i think she was having these expression all the way i was there. ho-ho. by the way, i think she still had something to talk to me, just that muna grabbed me, she left no time for her to talk with me. humph, humph, humph!

huge surprise!!

today was the first day of the school reopening. as usual, i was the first in my class to reach school. doraemon came not long after i sat down. we talked a while and i saw cheche's car coming from the back door. i asked her to accompany me to see cheche so that i can poke her but she turned down me. shy shy and fish haven't reach school yet so i have no ones to accompany me. thus, i didn't poke cheche. however, i didn't feel very very unhappy because of this, don't know why.

went assembly afterward. today got speech about 1 Malaysia by a unknown government official. it was very very boring, fortunately i can see cheche from where i sat. i saw many of her small unnoticeable actions. ho-ho. teachers and students were requested to sing the song prepared by the lecturer together, i saw cheche sang i think. XD

it was isunas's period after assembly. damn him, holiday for two weeks, he still hasn't finish marking our paper. what he did in this two weeks? readied to die? shit. he even took the paper of other class for us to mark. we marked ours after marking theirs without OMR form. i got only 26 of 40 correct. i got 28 of 40 usually. although i know i will always get grade B in Malay language, but i was still upset because of this.

after isunas's period was PS period. i went toilet together with fish. we met dameinv at the corner of multimedia room. we poked each other, by waving our hand and smiling. we went back to class after that. he was not at his class. i saw him this morning, but he disappeared after that. i passed by his class for so many times, but i failed to find him. we discussed about mathematics questions at class then. the teacher just leave us having our own activities. he took out his laptop once he entered our class, ignoring everything. two Malay girls entered my class, one of them holding a big plastic bag with a big gift inside it. they ignored the teacher too. they straight away entered and asked who's LWP. i went towards them once i heard they said someone was searching for me. i saw what she was holding, i knew it's a gift. i felt a bit worry. i was worrying that that's the gift from the Malay girl that chatted with me in FB because she said she wanted to give me present on my birthday.

"nahh. it's from cikgu ***" it's from dameinv! do you know how shocked i was when i heard the name they told me? i never think she will give me such a big thing. it's about 16cm X 16cm X 22cm, wrapped by a very cute wrapping paper. i froze in front of them for about 3 seconds i think. i was so scared, worried, happy and excited! because the gift is very big and the Malay girls took it with a very publicize way, almost everyone knew it. they were looking at me and kept asking who gave me the gift. i just gave them a smile, but not answer and went back to my seat. i don't know how will they response it they know it's from a teacher. for sure, they will keep asking everything and i don't think i can answer that.

i brought it back to my place. my friends were asking me the same question and asked me to untie it to see what's inside. i was not willing to untie it because i don't want to spoil it's look that fast and untie gift in front of others is a no manners act for me. i put it beside my chair and continued to discuss about the mathematics questions. it was English period afterward. i hid the gift under my chair to prevent it to lost.

we went to kamar syura for English period then. ice beauty gave us our paper. i got only 32 questions correct in paper 1. i got 35 for last exam. ugh. after distributing paper 1, it's the turn of paper 2. i got 40 out of 50. it was so unbelievable! i got 25 out of 30 for my essay! i just got 17 in the last exam! after counting, i got 80marks for my English paper!!! 80!!! it was my first time to get such a high marks in English paper. i know it's just a very low marks for you all, but it's high enough for me! i was so excited and my tears formed again. but it only left for less than 3 seconds, i think.

i went back to class with a super excited mood. it was mathematics period. ugh. math. i did mean into median and bisector into perpendicular!! i lost 4 marks there!!! T~T i got 96marks only. my certificate, was gone!!! and teacher said there was 2 persons got full marks for the paper!!!　uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~~ it hurt me deeper!! T~T i was very down. i took dameinv's gift and looked at it. i smiled alone suddenly, just because she gave me a gift, a big gift. i smelled a perfume smell around it. it was from her car i think. i took a deep breath with the gift beneath my nose. hmm.. it smelled so nice. he-he.

i was going to stay back for the choir practice and i was worrying of my gift. will it be stole or destroyed by others? i can't let that happen. i was about to put the gift at dameinv's place so that it was protected but dameinv was not there. i went canteen with the gift on my hand then. she was not at canteen too. and last, i met her on the way to astaka after finishing our lunch. she was with one-word-like-eyebrow. she smiled to me from far, of cause i smiled back too. i told her that i wanted to put the gift at her place because i was going to choir practice and i scared it will lost. her smiled froze on her face. i can see a small chili piece was sticking on one of her teeth. ha-ha. one-word-like-eyebrow was shocked too. maybe they thought i was not going to receive the gift and wanted to give it back to them. ha-ha.

i put the gift beside her table before went for choir. i saw her slipper scattered all over the floor. blue in colour, soft plastic, quite cute. ho-ho.

i went to take back the gift after choir, she was not there. i wanted to leave her a small note at first but then i gave up because my handwriting was very ugly so i was worrying that she will laugh at me. he-he. and also i don't want her to save it plus i wanted to message her. i took it back without leaving anything at last. however, i regretted once i wen out from staff room. i shouldn't message with her too much, and leaving small note was more interesting actually. T~T

messaged her afterward. i opened the gift before, it was a small CAT desk lamp. it was a CAT. fortunately it was CARTOON CAT, cartoon cat is now acceptable for me. i changed because of Charmaine, she likes cat, and red colour too. well, i accepted red colour already right now. ho-ho. she asked me to use it. however, i didn't use such thing. so she said she wanted to buy a shirt for me, and this lamp give back to her, she will use it. ha-ha. try to imagine, that cute lamp in her room, beside a sleeping her. ha-ha.

i realise her wrapping paper of her book was same with the wrapping paper with my gift. as a result, i asked her to wrap the shirt for me with this wrapping paper later. oh yeah, i gonna wrap me note book too. wahaha~

and now, i'm waiting for her t-shirt. i'm wondering what t-shirt she will buy for me. heee

things to be done after PMR!!

1. go to school without sleeping at the night before!

way: sleep at at least 3am at two days before school opening, i mean when it's holiday, and wake up at at least 3pm the next day. hohoho

2. finish at least 1 Charmaine's drama!

3. finish Twilight if i still can't finish it before PMR!

4. cycle to find cheche's house! (maybe only, because i think that's too far away from my house XD)

*bold options means it has already been done.

second dream~

wahaha~ yesterday i dreamed about cheche, and today is dameinv's turn!! perhaps tomorrow is CHARMAINE's turn~~ hohoho

it was exam week i think and the incident happened after exam, the time to go home. i was walking from the stairs of block intelek, our block, the one that near to surau. i was very down because i didn't see dameinv. i walked along the corridor and walked towards school gate through our roofed "Star Path". don't know why, some teachers were sitting at a cement round table, the kind of table at the padang in front of dewan terbuka, and the round table was beside the big tree where a cement bench beside it but now the cement round table replaced the cement bench.

i was wondering if dameinv's over there and suddenly i saw her. it was just like we were heart have, she turned her head towards me when i went close to her. we poked with each other excitedly. she asked that was my brother in form five after poking to me, when i continued to walk. i stopped and told her that me brother was not only form five but "higher than" that. i bent my upper parts of body towards her but my lower parts were still in the same condition, i bet sure it looked weird. i walked away after answering her. i even didn't see her response, i just walked away.

THE END

dream~~

after days and days, finally i cheche existed in my dream again!! wahahaha~

i went a hypermarket together with fish. she bought something at a shop like Guardian so we were about to pay and queuing at the counter. fish was paying while i was looking here and there because nothing to do. i looked behind, and cheche's face entered my sight! she was in a light green tudung, a familiar face with some light pink acnes' scars. the scene was just like the dramas and movies, closed up at her face, very clear. i turned back immediately and told fish that cheche was behind us. she turned her head too to see cheche while i turned and poked her excitedly, smiled like an idiot, actually can considered as laughed, to her. she was shocked when she saw me. she smiled without teeth but with a speechless expression to me and looking at me with full attention. i saw a LOLLIPOP on her right hand i think.

suddenly i talked to fangfang. she was in the dream in a sudden, standing beside the counter and she was much taller than everyone of us, standing on something i think. a lollipop rack was under her bent body and a lollipop was in her right hand too. i told her that cheche was over there and she smiled brightly too. "you are telling her that i'm here right?" cheche asked me suddenly with a smiling face. i quickly denied that.

we were out of the shop in the next scene. we were walking behind cheche, she was alone and talking about the things fish bought just now. a superb huge stairs and few racks was beside us, there was no others around us, but crowded at the floor opposite to us. it was like a square, with a hollow at the center, quite many floors. we walked quickly and passed by cheche and talked about the shirt fish needed to buy the next. she looked at our back after that i think. this is all of cheche's parts.

we went upstairs which was a sport shirt department. fish was about to buy a new sport shirt. the patterns on the shirts were like the patterns of the form of applying permission for sports activities, full of words. finally fish was able to choose a shirt with a different, nice patterns.

THE END

2nd of June

finally i got to chat with dameinv today. i have about 3 or 4 months didn't chat with her, you know, it is suffering. i think actually we can chat many times in this 4 months but she set her chat status into offline, she said she is lazy to chat. T~T it means she never think to chat with me. T~T anyway, i need to thanks to ping for suggested me to message her and ask her why she is not going online. after sending the message, she told me she is lazy to chat and asked me to play game with her from chat window. for sure, i said yes.

i laughed out very loud once i understand how to play the game. it was a game which needs one of the player to draw something to describe the word given while the other guess the word. it is just like a game for kids, it was so.. hum, amazing. i was shocked that she did likes those games as i like this kind of game actually. XD well, i admit i'm a childish person, so what? so did her XD

i'm so regret that i didn't print screen the playing scene. T~T i should print screen every picture that she drew. she told me she needs to take her dinner and i thought she will be back and her status showing she was online and idle. i planned to ask her if she wants to continue the game, but i didn't do that at last because she went offline after i decided to really ask her. T~T

perhaps i can have chance to chat and play with her again in this holiday.

ohya, suz told me she saw dameinv and cheche's car yesterday while ping and giant them saw cheche's car when they were in camp. well, i'm not balance now!!! why everyone saw them in holiday but not me!!! T~T i never see them from the beginning of this holiday till today. uwaaaaaa..... by the way, i met Teacher Edna's car after my mum fetching my brother from tuition. wahaha~~ doraemon~ i met your Teacher Edna~~ XD

ohya again, dameinv, ice beauty, Teacher Edna, Cikgu Alaina and Teacher Lai Sook Peng wished me on my birthday. wahahaha~~ dameinv wished me at last, i thought she won't wish me and she won't know everything till the school is reopen. fortunately, she did wish me. XD and the most surprising thing is, ice beauty wished me too!! i never think that she will wish me and so did Teacher Edna, Cikgu Alaina and Teacher Lai Sook Peng. and also, the stupid 1st yeoh wished me too!! ugh!!!

26th of May

today exam Sej. i went to toilet finally, with seeing cheche's car. she absented these days, actually she just absented two days. she came school at this Sunday, but i failed to meet her because i didn't realise her car. i was worrying she started her holiday from Monday and won't come to school until school reopen. fortunately it's not. i forced yuzi to accompany me to go to toilet. as what i wanted, i poked her from far with "hi" and my pile of notes.

she waited for me to go near her and asked what will we exam today. as she was tidying her skirt, her skirt was stuck by her shoe i think, i can't hear what she was talking and i kept on "huh?" XD. finally, i heard what she was talking about at the third time she repeated it. i told her it was Sej and she laughed when she heard(or she laughed when she HEAR?) my answer. she said it is just a simple subject, it doesn't matter but i denied it. sure she will say so what, she teaches Sej. she asked exam will come out until which chapter for form3 and she knew form1 and 2 will be coming out. i told her. she kept saying it is just an easy job.

at last, i wanted to show her that i even haven't finish my form2 part but i failed to speak my sentence properly. as a result, she thought i said it's not easy so she just smiled and walked away. well, i just simply answered the questions in the exam as i didn't study. i think i cannot get A for Sej this time. ugh, i can't get A in Sej!! how can i get this bad result in Sej that cheche taught last year!!! T~T i'm so regret that i didn't study for it. i thought it will be a simple job because i get A in last few exams. i looked down the paper. T~T i will never look down SEJARAH anymore!!! i gonna get A in every coming exam for SEJARAH!!! i can't make cheche disappointed!!!